Highlands Man Unsure What to Do With Drake’s Gift Card

Highlands resident Dylan Rome
Highlands resident Dylan Rome

By his own account, Highlands resident Dylan Rome’s Christmas was “all good”, but he is not sure what to do with a $25 Drake’s gift card he received as a gift from his uncle.

When Rome at first saw a small envelope with his name on it under the Christmas tree at his parent’s house, he was excited.  “I mean, I was pretty sure it was a gift card. But, I really thought it would be to somewhere like WHY Louisville, Monkey Wrench, El Camino, or at the very least Heine Brothers”.

Instead, Rome received a $25 gift card to Drake’s, the popular bar and restaurant with locations in St Matthews and The Summit. The gift was from an uncle that Rome “rarely” sees or talks with.

“He’s my mom’s brother, lives in Prospect or something like that.  I haven’t seen him in a year or so, and he obviously knows nothing about me or what I’m all about”, said Rome.  “I’m about buying and eating local, and I’m about cool places.  I’m not about Drake’s.  I mean, what am I gonna do, go there for ‘Happy Hour’ on a Friday and drink Bud Lights with some guys that live in Lake Forest?  I don’t think so, man”.

Now Rome must decide what to do with the card.  He said he considered giving it to another family member that might enjoy it, but then realized that news could get back to his uncle.  In a desperate move, Rome called some of his favorite Highlands shops and restaurants, hoping they would honor the card.

“I saw some oil change place once that said they would honor competitor’s coupons, so I gave it a shot”, said Rome.  “No luck, dude”.

Selling the gift card online was an option, until Rome’s internet service was shut off last week.  “Goddamn Time Warner, man.  Can’t give me another couple weeks to pay the bill?  Whatever.”

At this point, the gift card sits unused in a drawer in Rome’s apartment, and he is not sure when, if ever, it will be used.  “I don’t know, maybe I’ll go (to Drake’s) and sell it to some stiff who’s walking in.  You know, sell him a $25 gift card for $20 cash or something like that.  (Then) I could head straight to Monkey Wrench with that money and have a drink and an appetizer.  That would definitely be cooler than going to Drake’s.  Way cooler”.

“I’ll publish , right or wrong: Fools are my theme, let satire be my song” – Rochdale, 1809
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13 thoughts on “Highlands Man Unsure What to Do With Drake’s Gift Card

  1. Is this supposed to be comical, or real life sadness? Could this pretentious dbag order carry out food and share with others? Or possibly give to an individual who would appreciate its value? I truly hope I’m missing the funny in this article, otherwise, why this story was even written becomes the question.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is a fun satire. My favorite part is when he said he’d take the $20 to Monkey Wrench, for “a drink and an appetizer”.


  3. Unfortunately this is so close to what could be reality for a segment of our populace that it does not come across as satire.


  4. Dbag is an understatement. If someone likes to go to Drakes, who cares? It’s what’s wrong with us today – what you do is not better than me, it’s just different. By the way, I’m not a Drakes type of person, but I would go if someone I like wants to meet up there.


  5. First of all, I am a firm believer in supporting local restaurants, bars, farmers, and so on. With that being said, the local businesses mentioned above may be owned locally; but do not solely carry locally produced or grown items. With a little research the author could have very easily found out that Drake’s is a locally owned restaraunt and bar. Also, isn’t Christmas the time of year to be thankful for gifts and not blast your uncle who was kind enough to give you a gift even with your lack of relationship?

    PS – drake’s doesn’t have a happy hour.


  6. One of my oldest friends owns the monkey wrench. I love it but for goodness sake just eat a free meal or have some drinks at drakes. You know what, the staff are local and need their jobs. And calling people that go there “stiffs” is offensive. I’m guessing because they live in LakeForest? So do my family members and I would too if we hadn’t had our offer in Owl Creek accepted. And let me tell you we are anything but stiff. Talk about judging a book by its cover. You can’t afford to pay your cable bill but I damn sure wouldn’t treat you badly and would probably help you out. That is if you weren’t stupid.


  7. This is the stupidest hipster garbage I’ve seen so far this year. Nice work waisting the time and energy of everyone who comes across this ‘satirical’ turd. Dude should take his gift card and shuvit. Monkey wrench is a nice spot though.


  8. Typical hipster wannabe neck beard. Can’t pay his cable bill, yet still b!tches about an uncle giving him $25 to eat at a restaurant outside his comfort zone. There is life outside the Highlands. Too bad some people are too stupid to branch out. Get back in your Prius, pick up your participation medal, and shut the f**k up. LOL.


  9. Satire or not, completely hypocritical; which is typical of the ‘extreme’ liberalism of today.

    “I will judge you, yet you have no right to judge me.”


  10. To JW, Sayrah, C, K, FM, weborig, et al.: your truly dim-witted responses have rendered the world a dumber place. I award you no points.
    The problem is that Satire relies upon the intellect of the reader to decipher hidden meaning.
    So I’m going to offer you this in the hope that the next time you come across something similar you won’t fail so spectacularly: the man in the article is fictional. This did not actually occur. The photo is likely a stock image, and it most certainly is not a photo of the man in the article, who, as we’ve now established, does not exist. The author is not attempting to endorse the actions of the fictional man in article. The article uses tone for effect. A literal reading misses the whole point.
    If you need additional help, practice by reading The Onion.

    That is all.


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