Highly Anticipated Mall St Matthews vs. Oxmoor Center Softball Game to be Played Wednesday

 Located less than half a mile apart, and separated by only the Watterson Expressway and a car dealership, Mall St Matthews and Oxmoor Center have always had a rivalry that is uncommon amongst the nation’s shopping malls.

“I guess in most cities, most (malls) don’t really give a crap about what the other malls are doing” said Sara Shoemaker, who works at Pac-Sun in Mall St Matthews.  “But I can tell you that everyone that works here definitely wants to do better (than Oxmoor Center) and would never go there to shop or hang out, unless we need something from the Apple Store.”

The rivalry will come to a head on Wednesday, when the respective mall’s softball teams will battle it out for their league championship.  A win comes with the championship trophy, but more importantly, bragging rights until next season.

“Dude, I’m totally jacked”, said Dick’s Sporting Goods employee Nick Gerch.  “Oxmoor Center is way better than Mall St Matthews. I mean, they don’t even have a sporting goods store, the security guards are pricks, and the food court sucks”.

Reminded that Oxmoor Center has no food court at all, Gerch responded, “I’d rather have no food court than have to choose between two Chinese restaurants, a Subway, and some Pita place. Total crap, man”.

While bets on recreational softball games are not legal, one local bookmaker, who asked to remain anonymous, said he would install Mall St Matthews as a one-run favorite.

“Dude, tell me who that bookie is and I’ll bet a paycheck on (Oxmoor Center).  We went 10-1 this season and the only reason we lost that game is because that chick from Banana Republic totally botched an easy catch.  And Mall St Matthews lost to the Verizon store in Clarksville by five runs, and (Verizon) totally sucks, man.  Verizon couldn’t even beat Hubbards Lane Kroger, and (Hubbards Lane Kroger) lost to CarMax on Hurstbourne Lane by six runs, if you can believe that”, said Gerch.

Jesse Hickman, who is the league commissioner and works at the Art of Shaving in Mall St Matthews, sees things differently.

“I’m not surprised that Oxmoor Center thinks they’re going to win. Just because they have a sporting goods store doesn’t mean their whole softball team is good at sports.  I mean, look at some of those guys that work at Von Maur.  They can barely even run from home plate to first base without falling down, man. I think we win easily, probably by five or six runs”, said Hickman.

Regardless of Hickman’s prediction, Gerch remains confident heading into Wednesday’s game.

“Of course we’re going to win. I mean, everyone on our team loves softball, even the dudes from the Apple Store and Von Maur.  And me?  I love softball so much, that if Dick’s had a softball section, I would totally work there”, said Gerch.

Reminded that Dick’s does indeed have a softball section, Gerch replied, “Yeah, but that’s like, mostly chick softball stuff.  I meant if we had a softball section with more guy stuff in it, I would work there”.

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“And so it goes” – Kurt Vonnegut

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